9/11/2001

It seems to me that every generation has a "where were you when..." you heard about this tragedy. For my mom, it was when President Kennedy was shot and killed. It was a tragic day and one that is stamped vividly in your memory. For me, it was when the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were bombed. At that time, my oldest daughter was 2 + years old. She was too young to remember it, but I'll never forget it. I was home, had gone to take a shower and got dressed. I had a phone message from a dear friend that was odd, talking about praying for the people in New York. I didn't understand. Then my husband called, and told me to turn on the news. I turned it on just in time to see the second tower be attacked, with an airplane crashing into it. I was stunned, as I think many people in the U.S. were at that time. I gathered my things, as I was on MOPS Steering Committee at that time, and we had a meeting that morning. So I went to my church, and listened to the news on the way there. It made me cry, I just couldn't understand why this was happening. We gathered together and prayed, a group of very sad moms that morning. We cried together and discussed what we had seen. I don't think we got much planning done that day. I remember the news showing the airplanes and the towers falling over and over and over.We watched as the Fire Department of New York City worked tirelessly for hours, days, months... It was so very, very sad. Thousands of people died that day. The Pentagon was also attacked, and we later learned that valient men saved another place from attack by crashing their plane elsewhere. I think that plane may have been heading to the White House. The terrible event shook up our whole country around us. I learned that our nation can be vulnerable to major attacks, and how there was security related to living in the U.S.A. and even that can be shaken too. My parents had flown just the night before the attacks, and I was a little concerned for them initially, but they were fine. Later we learned a family friend had been in one of the two towers of the World Trade Center, and that shook me up too. Eventually I just had to stop watching the news, it was too challenging to see it over and over, even as an adult. I have not been to NYC since that terrible day, but sometime I think I'd like to see the memorial from September 11. Several of my favorite artists wrote songs about it, including Michael W. Smith, "There She Stands" and Steven Curtis Chapman, who wrote, "Remember the Day." There was a strong feeling of patriotism and unity in our country for several months. Airports changed dramatically, especially the monitoring of bags and people. Many people were suspicious of those of Arabic descent, but it wasn't anything major. President George W. Bush did an amazing job leading our nation through it all. It seemed so senseless then, and I still feel that way. But the patriotism and unity... that was the best thing that came from the whole event. What about you? Where you alive then? What do you remember about that day 25 years ago?

Genesis 4:8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. Genesis 14:15 During the night Abram divided his men to attack them and he routed them, pursuing them as far as Hobah, north of Damascus. Psalm 56:1 Be merciful to me, my God, for my enemies are in hot pursuit; all day long they press their attack.

20 Ways to beat the winter blues... and a bonus!

Winter can be a hard time for me, it seems to hit me every year about mid-January. The holidays are over, it still gets dark early, the sky is gray, the leaves are brown...

Hey! That sounds like a song! I crack myself up...

Anyway... here is a list that I made of things that I do to help when I feel blah, in a funk, a little depressed... and I hope it helps you too!

20 Ways to beat winter blues (or blahs)

1. Create something, paint, bake bread, be crafty!

2. Go for a long walk, even though it may be cold outside. If you walk a lot, change it up and walk                     someplace new.

3. Cuddle up with herbal tea (or coffee) & a good book.

4. Do a necessary chore that makes you feel better. I take everything out of my fridge and wash the shelves, taking them out and wiping them down. It's so shiny when it's done!

5. Break up your routine- shop at a new place, eat at a different restaurant, shop at a different store. 

6. Plan something to look forward to— a Spring break trip or a summer garden.

7. Listen to a new podcast.

8. Get together with a friend for a walk or coffee. 

9. Write thank you notes for Christmas if you haven’t already.

10. Paint your nails, soak your feet, style your hair a different way… pamper yourself after the busy Christmas season.

11. Try a new recipe- maybe a soup for these chilly evenings...

12. Declutter- whether it be your wardrobe, a closet, cupboard, etc.,

13. Watch a funny show that makes you laugh- like “Date Night” or “Rat Race.”

14. Celebrate a fun holiday- like Peanut Butter Day or Spouses Day.

15. Invite friends to your home to play games.

16. Complete a new or old puzzle- a perfect indoor activity!

17. Wear bright colors, or something soft & comfortable- your favorite sweater or sweatshirt, jeans, socks, etc.,

18. Remember that you are not alone. Take time to read God’s word and pray. (1 Peter 5:7)

19. Color in an adult coloring book- it can be relaxing!

20. Make an upbeat songs playlist- it’s nice to listen to while on a walk or while cleaning. 

And one bonus...

21. Add cheerful essential oils to your diffuser, such as Orange, Lemon, or grapefruit...make your house smell good!

What about you? Do you have any ideas to add?

Genesis 8:22
“As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.”

Psalm 74:17
It was you who set all the boundaries of the earth; you made both summer and winter.

Hosea 6:3
Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.”

My dad's birthday (without him)

 My Dad's birthday was last Sunday. It was the first birthday we celebrated since he passed away in early May. I had dreaded the day for a month. I made plans of ways to honor him after church. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to attend church that day, but I did. It was a nice service, but the Advent Sunday theme was joy. Deep down I had joy, but I wasn't necessarily very happy. I wanted to see my Dad, hug him, give him a gift, and eat cake together. There was no cake, only flowers that we bought for his grave.

After church, we ate lunch and rested for an hour and a half or two hours. Then we picked up my mom and drove across town to the cemetery. We placed red carnations on his grave, hugged and cried. There were more gravestones there than when we saw it last. Wreaths across America had placed wreaths on all of the grave sites before we were there. It was really pretty to see them all lined up. There was a penny on the grave marker, showing that someone had visited. I don't know who, but it warmed my heart a little. My mom cried a lot, she misses my dad so much. We all do, he left quite a hole in our lives. It has only been seven and 1/2 months of learning to live without him.

We left the cemetery and went to a church service in our town called, "Blue Christmas." It was a simple service for those who have lost loved ones. There were about 75 people there, we sang a few Christmas carols, a pastor gave a 15-minute or so message, and we lit candles. There was a slideshow of pictures (we submitted one) and we sang "Silent Night" with a guitarist in the glow of candlelight. It was just right, very comforting, slow, and gentle. We could pray with a church leader after the service if we wanted. My mom cried a lot. She prayed with the pastor after the service. Later she said that she enjoyed it.

It is very strange to buy someone a birthday gift for your whole life, and then BAM! They are gone, and all you have are memories, and pictures. I missed my Dad something fierce that day. As I've said before, I was a Daddy's girl. I could talk to him about nearly anything that I wanted. My life has less of a spark, seems a little hollow at times. I loved him so much. Sometimes I can hardly believe he is gone. I am learning to accept the fact that there is an ache in my heart that will never totally go away. I wish I could hug him one more time. 

Genesis 12:1
The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.

Psalm 68:5
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Jeremiah 49:11
‘Leave your fatherless children; I will keep them alive. Your widows too can depend on me.’”

My dad's services

Many of you probably know that my father recently passed away. You can read the post about it here: http://thywordisalamptomyfeet.blogspot.com/2023/05/my-dad.html 

We had his services on a Sunday afternoon a few weeks ago. We had a tough time finding a good day to hold the service when all of the grandkids could be there. Life gets busy in spring! We were thankful for the group that we had together. We had a dinner on Saturday evening for extended family from out of town. We all enjoyed that dinner, getting to see our cousins, aunts, uncles, and siblings. Our local Chick-Fil-A catered for us, and we had families from our church provide desserts. 

 On Sunday, some of us attended a church service at my parent's church. After lunch, we had a viewing for family and then friends. Toward the end of that time, the church showed a video of photos of my Dad's life. We gathered that evening at my Mom's house and hung out with extended family again. We enjoyed chatting for a long time. Each of my siblings and I spoke at the service about my Dad, and my oldest brother performed the service. Three of his grandkids spoke, including two of my kids. Everyone did a great job. 

Pallbearer grandsons

 On Monday afternoon, we had my Dad's military service at the Veteran's Cemetary. It was a nice time to honor my Dad for his Army service in Vietnam. He was never really honored when he came home, so it meant a lot to our family to honor my Dad in this way. The people at the Veterans' Cemetary were so kind and helpful. A friend of my parents did the sermon there, and his voice was filled with emotion the whole time that he spoke. My dad was very special to him. After the military service, my niece said that we should go to Dairy Queen because that is what Grandpa would have liked. So we did and enjoyed ice cream together. 

Playing together

Signing Mom's cast

My daughter and my brother

Our family friend shared the homily. He was wonderful!

My husband led one hymn

My dad's gravemarker and flowers

Our family after the graveside

Two of my brothers had to leave that morning, so there were just us 3 kids and my Mom.

My brother and his wife

 It was a lovely weekend. We were sad very often, as expected. It was really challenging at times. We all miss him so much. He loved us all so well, and he was very well-loved. He had a major impact on my life, and it is strange to live without him. I just want to call him and talk about things going on in my week. 

Mother's Day was strange to celebrate with just my Mom. She is doing okay, she has up and down times. She lives in a great neighborhood, and her neighbors check on her occasionally. We have caregivers that stop by her house every day too. She seems so sad and lonely. But that is part of grief, adjusting to the "new normal." I don't think it will feel normal anytime soon. Thank you for your friendship and prayers for my family during this busy time.

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

Psalm 91:1-2
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

1 Corinthians 15:54-57
When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
 “Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”

 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

My Dad's health

Me and my Dad in 2018

My dad's health has really declined in the past two years, especially in the past 10 months. He was diagnosed with COPD between 5 and 7 years ago. Last May he traveled to Texas to visit my brother, and the change in elevation (even while flying) made him shorter of breath. He's had bladder cancer/ problems for over 35 years and has had many bladder infections (fungal too) in the past six months, which are difficult to get rid of. He has lost 80 pounds over the past 18 months or so, he looks so different!

At my daughter's wedding in Dec. 2021

He hasn't been doing much. If he exerts much effort it makes breathing more difficult. He gets dizzy when he stands and walks. He falls easily because he gets dizzy, blacks out, and falls over. It has been very difficult to see. Last July, we bought him a walker because he was getting unsteady on his feet. He hasn't driven since last summer. In October, my mom broke her hip and was in the hospital and rehab for 3 weeks. He visited her every day, usually with the help of me or my other siblings.

In November, my siblings were all busy, so I took him to visit her in rehab in the morning and in the evening. Their home is about 10 minute drive from my home. But I have 3 kids at home, homeschool, have two cleaning jobs, was in our homeschool co-op, am involved in our church, and more. It was a tough three weeks for me. My siblings came here to help my parents as much as they could. 

After the new year, we decided that the situation was not sustainable. We had caregivers come into their home for two hours a day. I liked this because it helped them get groceries, get to Dr. appointments, make sure that they ate lunch and dinner, helped with laundry (if needed, my Mom does it), etc., It has been a relief that when I am there I don't always have to wash dishes or load the dishwasher. I can actually visit, know that someone has seen them each day, and they will call me if something goes awry. It worked very well...

...Until last Friday. My mom called me at about 1:10 pm and said that my Dad's breathing had gotten worse, and an ambulance took him to the E.R. I picked her up and we drove to the hospital. (She is not driving anymore). After we got there, we learned that they had done a chest x-ray and that my Dad had a pneumothorax (collapsed lung). It had detached from the chest wall because there was air in between the chest wall and the lung. They did an immediate, short surgery and inserted a chest tube to drain the fluid. 

He was VERY grumpy that afternoon and evening. He was restless, uncomfortable, and daunted about staying in the hospital for two nights (minimum). They ended up giving him anxiety medication and a pain pill, both of which helped a lot. My Dad seemed more like himself on Saturday. On Monday, they inserted a more permanent chest tube and hospice came in. We set up hospice care for him when he came home. It was a difficult weekend but I am SO thankful that my sister and I were together since we were both on Spring break from school (she teaches 2nd grade and I homeschool my two younger daughters.)

He came home from the hospital this past Tuesday. He also got put on oxygen while he was in the hospital, so he has two new cords attached to him all of the time. He can take off the oxygen sometimes, but not for too long. We had been told that oxygen wouldn't help him, because his oxygen levels were always good. But in the hospital, they said that his levels went down when he slept. His blood sugar levels were good though. He was taken off of two diabetes medications that he had taken for a while.

Some days when I see him, he is lethargic and sleeps a lot. On other days he is awake, sitting up, chatting, talking, and joking-- more like normal. I feel like I could lose him at any time, so I am trying to treasure the times I have with him, holding his hand, smiling, and helping however I can. I know that one day (maybe soon) that I will not be able to do that. But for now, he is still here, glad to be home again, and today was a good day. I am happy about that. (Hospice has been wonderful so far!)

Please pray for him and his health. I had hoped that he would be around another 5-10 years, but I am not sure that will happen. Only God knows the length of his life. I am trying to trust God, not worry and know that God is in control, not me. I am thankful for so many family members and friends who have been praying for us. You are a treasure to me and my family!

Exodus 15:2
“The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.

Luke 4:40
At sunset, the people brought to Jesus all who had various kinds of sickness, and laying his hands on each one, he healed them.

2 Corinthians 6:18
And, “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

Music Monday: "To Cry for You"

This has been a hard year for our family in the loss of many friends and a family member. My last posts talked about a few of them. Our church is growing older and with an older congregation, I guess that funerals are a part of things. My Dad says, "Death is a part of life." That is true, whether we like it or not. As Christians, we have hope that we will see our loved ones again in heaven, and I am very thankful for that hope and reminder.

I've enjoyed Carolyn Arends' music for over 25 years. We saw her in concert many years ago in our town with the late, great Rich Mullins. I really liked her music then. My husband discovered her newer album called, "Recognition" a few years ago, and we really like it. She has a great way with thought-provoking lyrics that I can identify with. She lost her mother over 3 years ago, and she wrote this song in her mother's honour (she is Canadien, so the extra u is correct for them!). My husband "sent" this song to many friends who have lost family members and close friends, and we've always gotten good responses to it. I am posting it here because it is needed for many friends to hear right now.

I hope you enjoy it. Remember that it is okay to cry, tears are not a bad thing! Carolyn says, "So many of us are carrying such deep loss, some of it fresh, and some of it buried-- and that for all of us, grief is the work that love must do." It is my honour to cry for you... 


"To Cry for You"

Words and music by Carolyn Arends

There’s a lump in my throat
There’s a knot in my chest
I am tired to the bone
But I cannot rest
Still it’s only right to feel like I do
‘Cause it is my honour to cry for you

All the memories come back
Like the tide rolling in
And the current is strong
I go under again
So I hold my breath, what else can I do?
It is my honour to cry for you

Blessed are the ones who weep
‘Cause every tear is proof
Of ties that bind so strong and deep
That death cannot undo
So it is my honour to cry for you

I’ve got more than a hunch
That you’re somewhere so good
It’d be wrong to come back
Even if you could
I will see you again, but until I do
It is my honour to cry for you

Chorus

There’s a lump in my throat
There’s a knot in my chest
But the ache in my soul
Tells me I am blessed
‘Cause when the sorrow is great, the love is too
And it is my honour to cry for you
I guess grief is the work that love must do
So it is my honour to cry for you
© Running Arends Music/ASCAP

You can listen to this song here. I love the violin in that song! But be warned, it is a tear-jerker!

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

John 11:33-36
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.  “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
 Jesus wept.
 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”

Revelation 21:4
‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

From sad to glad day

 This morning, we woke up to news that a wonderful man from our church had passed away from cancer. He was a true servant and had helped in so many ways and so many areas in our church. You may know someone like him. He was a perpetual deacon, helped in boys' clubs a long time ago, and ran the Pinewood Derby at our church. He had built the track years ago and set it up every year. He put together ice fishing trips in January. He played bass in the praise team band. He even played bass during VBS for a few years. When our janitor got fired, he took the position part-time. He mowed the church lawn for a while. I'm sure that there is much more that he did... we will really miss him.

For the past 2 months, I've been driving for a local meal delivery service that brings lunches to seniors that need them. I deliver about 15 meals every Monday for an hour and a half. Today they just brightened my day. A newer client called me by name. I was briefly invited into two different homes (that I'd never been into before). One gal told me that she had a busy afternoon because she was going to the bank. I just enjoy getting to know these seniors, petting their dogs, and briefly chatting with the older ladies and men. Today God knew I would need their smiles, and that is what I got in return for my work.

 I wasn't sure how much I would enjoy this when I began in mid-July... but it has been a great experience. Even though one week my van broke down and I needed a jump 20 minutes from home. Thankfully my son came through for me! My youngest daughter helped me 2 or 3 times in the summer. She was a great navigator. I hardly need the navigation anymore, since I am remembering how to get to the clients' homes. I miss her company though, she tells me stories!

Here is what my car looks like during my deliveries... 

What kind of volunteering do you do? I'd love to hear about it and how it affects your life!

Psalm 68:5
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Acts 9:39
Peter went with them, and when he arrived he was taken upstairs to the room. All the widows stood around him, crying and showing him the robes and other clothing that Dorcas had made while she was still with them.

Acts 9:41
He took her by the hand and helped her to her feet. Then he called for the believers, especially the widows, and presented her to them alive.

Goodbye Dad...

 In the spring of this year, my husband's father passed away. He had not been healthy for some time. He had gained a lot of weight over the past two years and got winded very easily. We believe he died in his sleep. His death was not unexpected, but still a surprise.

My husband has been going through the boxes that were left over, closing his accounts, and sifting through many parts of his life. We found boxes of pictures of Dad, his kids, and his grandkids. We even found an old scrapbook that Joshua's grandmother had made for his Dad-- one that we had never seen. Joshua spent a lot of time on the phone with his sisters. They ultimately decided that they wanted to have his body cremated and have a private family ceremony this summer. 

Our church and friends were so supportive. We got dinners brought to our home, and many people listened and listened and listened. We received so many cards in the mail and even a book for Joshua. Everyone has been wonderful to our family, just so kind and understanding. It was a loss for me too... He was a Dad to me for over 25 years!

So here are some pictures of him...

Father's Day 2021

Dad and his "Classic Car," A Ford 

His sisters, Joshua, and their Dad... (L to R)

Our family that was at Joshua's 50th birthday with Dad on the right.

This was the last time that our family saw him. It was the day after Bethany's birthday in December and they were looking at rocks that Dad brought over. (Joshua saw Dad in March)

This is a favorite picture of Dad and his younger sister, Rachel.

Several weeks ago, we got together with Joshua's sisters, his Mom, our nieces, nephew, and aunt and uncle south of here to spread Dad's ashes in the river. We had rented a park shelter all for us, ate barbeque lunch, looked at old pictures, played lawn games, and chatted a lot. Toward the end of the day, for his "Celebration of Life," we had a time where we read his obituary, told a few stories, viewed photos, and cried. Then we walked to the river and Joshua put his ashes into the river. We all watched and cried, even him. It was a solemn minute. 

Here are some of the photos that we took...

Cousins finishing up lunch, chatting...

My daughter and her auntie... 💗

Then he climbed out of the cold river and we hugged each other.

Joshua's sister and auntie...

Joshua was hugging his mom... she was sad too, even though she and Dad had been divorced for over 25 years. We were so thankful that she was there for us and with us.

We took family portraits that day, but that is another blog post! We will miss seeing Dad and hearing him say, "Love you guys" before he left our house...

Acts 7:4
“So he left the land of the Chaldeans and settled in Harran. After the death of his father, God sent him to this land where you are now living."

Romans 6:4
"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

Philippians 1:21 
"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."